Saying Goodbye How You Want To

Saying Goodbye How You Want To

As society changes, so do people’s end-of-life wishes. Here at Memorial Funeral Home, we have seen that many people are shifting from bigger, more traditional funerals to smaller, more intimate and personalized gatherings.

Some people want “greener” funerals, which is to say, funerals that don’t involve any or a reduced amount of chemicals. Others opt for cremation and want their ashes scattered in a special place or a number of different places.

At Memorial Funeral Home, we try and keep up with the changing needs of our community. In our experience working with families and doing our own research, one thing that does seem to remain constant is the need for people to gather in a way that is meaningful to them.

The COVID-19 pandemic really brought into perspective our need for human contact; to gather to honor life’s big events. When we couldn’t, it affected us deeply.

In June, 2020 a study was published in the OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying on how funeral practices impacted bereaved relatives’ mental health, and grieving process. It was a study that took into account both quantitative and qualitative evidence- so studies both data driven and descriptive in nature. The report reviewed 17 studies that had been done up to that point during the pandemic.

One of the discoveries of the study was “the benefit of after-death rituals including funerals depends on the ability of the bereaved to shape those rituals and say goodbye in a way that is meaningful to them.”

Pandemic or not, this is something that seems very much in line with what we experience at Memorial Funeral Home and with the families that we serve. We asked some of these family members on social media, “What makes for a meaningful goodbye?”

One person wrote, “gathering with people I love who share pieces of my history and life. Special little touches that make the experience unique not simply one-size-fits-all.”

Another put, “sharing the memories of a life well-lived and experiences we shall treasure.”

Another correlation amongst the studies reviewed was that funeral attendance was associated with less unresolved grief. “It is not the number of attendees or even type of funeral which determines how supportive it is, but rather how meaningful the occasion is, and how connected it helps the mourners feel.”

The study also reported that funeral attendance didn’t have to be in the traditional sense of physically being at a funeral. Many people grieving the loss of a loved one found solace and closure in a number of “alternative” ways: live stream funerals, recorded services, “rolling funerals” or smaller services held at different time periods. Even sharing lists of songs, photos and stories, and reading out personal tributes about the person can help make people grieving feel like they are part of something bigger than their own grief.

The conclusion of the study was that a sense of control when it came to saying goodbye was a “a key determinant.” That is to say, the ability to say goodbye to a loved one in a way that both honored them and the needs of the people grieving was what is most important.

Finding ways of maintaining a connection with our lossed loved one is also important. It can also be part of your own funeral planning and can be a source of comfort knowing that a part of you will always be with family members. We recommend that you read this blog post about our Director of Community Relations, Kim Shute’s experience here. After losing her husband, she found many ways to honor him years after he was gone.

There are also Thumbies , which preserve the fingerprint of your loved one and can be worn as jewellery or kept as a keepsake. Parting Stones is a company that turns ashes into beautiful, smooth stones that can be placed in a fountain, or wherever as a reminder of the person that you have lost.

At Memorial Funeral Home, we are here to answer any questions you might have about end-of-life planning. We will make sure that you feel honored in your wishes and that your loved ones will have the space to grieve.