How to make sure that it's all taken care of

Kim Shute • January 4, 2025

Who here has ever heard someone say with regards to their funeral arrangements, “it is all taken care of”? How each person defines “all taken care of” has quite a range and on one end of the spectrum is practically nothing is planned and at the other end, every “i” is dotted and each “t” is crossed.

In my family we lean towards the latter, which is a load off the mind of those left behind. In my work at Memorial Funeral Home, I constantly hear stories of when a parent or spouse, sibling, grandparent, aunt, friend etc. says, “don’t worry it is all taken care of…” and the adult children leave it at that and ask no follow up questions. When the eventuality comes to pass, the adult children (or family and friends left in charge of arrangements) discover only a cemetery plot has been purchased, but there are so many other details, like selecting hymns, picking out clothing for the deceased, and so many other little details.

Here is a list of questions (not exhaustive by any means) that can help ensure everything really is all set:

Is a viewing before burial or cremation important? 
What church or religious presence do you want (if any at all)? 
How will the deceased get to the cemetery? 
How will you honor their life? 
Will their body be cremated or buried? 
Which casket or urn? 
Where is the final resting place? Possibly a cemetery lot or a special place for scattering.
Will there be music at the service? What are some favorite songs or styles of music? 
Will there be readings? 
Who will do the eulogy? 
Where will the service be? 
Who oversees the decisions? Who is a backup planner, do they have legal authority to do so? 
Will there be food and beverages after the ceremony? Any special requests or favorite recipes? 
What about picture boards and a slideshow, who has the pictures? 
Who will pay for it? 
Who will write the obituary? Where will it be published? 
What do you do if members of the family can’t get along? The more you can plan in advance and reduce decisions by survivors, the less likely they are going to struggle with all the decisions to be made.

There are many more questions that need answers than these basic ones. The process of ensuring that final wishes are honored is called advance planning, pre-need planning, or a pre-arrangement. One of the benefits to this type of planning is to reduce stress levels of the bereaved as much as possible while setting them on a healthy grieving path. Surviving family and friends will be able to focus on their loss instead of logistical details. 

After a loss whether expected or unexpected, families and friends left behind can be emotional. Making decisions at an emotional time can be very difficult and sometimes leads to regrets. We cannot think of a family we have served over the 90 years we have been providing services who were angry about having a pre-need plan in place. Most are so grateful that they do not have to make a massive number of decisions when they are under duress. 

Another reason to pre-plan is because once the plan is written down, you can rest easy, and your personal preferences will be respected whether that means specific religious, cultural traditions, or a unique secular celebration of life. If you leave it to others, they will just be doing their best to guess what you would like. 

Should you decide this is a good choice for your family and want to meet with a funeral director and you will be led through as many of the planning decisions as you want. Once final decisions are made, they need to be shared. It’s rare that you will need to worry about this, but if your wishes need to be protected against undesired changes by family, then you need to ensure you have taken the right steps for your state of residence. 

In RI, you can sign a pre-need contract with a properly credentialed institution. For the funding portion of the discussion, you can either make payment arrangements over several months or years depending on your budget or you can pay for it all at once. In the state of Rhode Island, the money you put down for your funeral/memorial services is placed into a trust which means the account is still the property of the individual, not given over to the funeral home. If a funeral home goes out of business your money remains protected, and it can be switched to another funeral home. 

Other than the above-mentioned benefit to your remaining family/friends, early selection and pre-payment provides some financial predictability by way of establishing an agreement with today’s prices for future services. The interest earned on the prepaid funds is often used to offset the future costs and may provide a price assurance or guarantee. Each funeral home has its own policies regarding the price guarantee. The way the company can provide those assurances is with the interest earned on the money placed into the trust. 

There are some items that will likely be a part of your plans, and you may want to include allowances for those costs, like obituaries, flowers, and food after the service. We cannot predict future pricing. These are called cash advances, or third-party expenses. You can still set money aside for that, but those items are often not covered by the price guarantee and may not cover the entire bill in the future. 

Should you select to pre-plan and prepay for the expenses the money (up to a certain dollar amount) can be protected from Medicaid should you end up in a long-term care facility. If the account has been given irrevocable status, it will not count as part of the Spend Down process with Medicaid. 

If you do arrange the pre-plan, please make sure your nearest and dearest know what funeral home you used for arrangements or better yet ask them to join you for the meeting. Be aware that some families do not like to talk about what happens when people die, so enter those conversations delicately.

Please make sure whatever funeral home or cremation provider you use is a licensed and trusted provider. We hope this helps demystify the idea of planning ahead and prepaying for funeral expenses, as well as providing you with some information about the right way to setup a trust and pre-plan funerals.

If you have any questions, please call us to set up a time to go over your questions and the process in greater detail. Most funeral homes are willing to sit down and guide you through the planning process at no cost or commitment. Just call and ask for an appointment. 

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Learning to Talk About Death and How We'll Be Remembered

By Pearl Marvell • April 28, 2026

A two-part spring lecture series at Belmont Chapel invites the community to approach end-of-life conversations with honesty, creativity, and even a little courage. There's a reason most of us avoid talking about death. It feels morbid, premature, or simply something that we'd rather not think about. But a new lecture series at Island Cemetery in Newport is making a gentle, practical case that these conversations — held early, held openly — are among the most meaningful we can have. Death and Dying is an evening series of talks that brings together experts and community members inside the historic Belmont Chapel at Island Cemetery for evenings that are all about intention. Two sessions this May take on subjects that touch nearly everyone: how a life gets written down, and what happens to our bodies after we're gone. The first will be led by our very own Kim Shute and the second talk will be given by Memorial Funeral Home's Kurt Edenbach. May 7: Talking about obituaries won’t make you dead This engaging workshop offers practical tools for writing obituaries that reflect a real life, not just a list of facts. Through examples and guided prompts, participants will learn how to move beyond clichés and tell a meaningful story—whether writing for themselves or someone they love. The workshop is designed to be engaging, not somber, and leaves participants with skills they can actually use. May 14: New & Innovative burial options A week later, Kurt Eudenbach will address a question more people are asking: are there alternatives to traditional burial and cremation? The answer, increasingly, is yes — and the options have grown significantly in recent years, shaped by environmental concerns, personal values, and new technology. From green burials and conservation cemeteries to aquamation, human composting, and other emerging methods, the landscape of end-of-life choices is expanding in ways many people haven't yet heard about. This lecture offers a grounded, accessible look at what's available, what's legal, and what might align with your own wishes — or those of someone you're helping plan for. To reserve your spot, click on the link here .

Kim Shute's Review of Nothing to See Here

By Kim Shute • April 28, 2026

I just love it when I pick up a random book and it transports me to places, I never could have imagined. Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson is one of those rare finds. I was pulled in from page one by the story of a poor girl trying her luck as a scholarship recipient at a private boarding school for the ultra-elite, set against the backdrop of down-home Tennessee. The book vacillates between current day and flashbacks from her earlier life. Our narrator and main character, 28-year-old Lillian Breaker, is, quite honestly, a bit of a mess. She is living in the attic of her self-absorbed mother’s house, and her life feels stagnant at best. Beneath the humor, this is a story that touches on childhood neglect and the sharp divides of income and social status. We learn about Lillian’s complicated relationship with Madison, her former boarding school roommate who reappears with a mysterious and highly confidential job offer. What unfolds is a story about misfits that made me laugh out loud one moment and feel unexpectedly emotional the next. I struggled at times with the dynamic between Madison and Lillian. Given their history, I found myself questioning why they remained connected at all. Yet many of us are guilty of staying in relationships that do not reward us with reciprocity. Still, as the story unfolds, witnessing the trust develop under such unusual and often untenable circumstances helps to restore a bit of faith in human connection. There is a strange magic to this book. It leans into the weirdness in a way that is both disarming and oddly comforting. As Lillian herself suggests, I hope this story “hypnotizes you with weirdness” as you make your way through it. Let us know if you decide to give it a read or a listen, and what you think.

What is terramation and why should I care?

By Pearl Marvell • March 27, 2026

It's likely that you've never heard of it before, but it is the process of naturally breaking down the body into soil.

Kim Shute's Review of The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife

By Kim Shute • March 16, 2026

A case of mistaken identity turns into a sense of security for an octogenarian.

Creative Ways to Honor Your Loved One's Ashes

By Pearl Marvell • March 3, 2026

Losing someone we love is one of life's most profound experiences, and finding a meaningful way to memorialize them can bring great comfort during the grieving process. While keeping a traditional urn at home is a time-honored choice, today there are more ways than ever to celebrate a life well lived. One of the most personal options is transforming ashes into wearable keepsakes. Some companies will pressurize ashes into a diamond, which you can then set into a ring, necklace, or other jewelry item of your choice. Our very own Director of Community Relations, Kim Shute, took some of the ashes of her late husband and made a diamond ring, which she absolutely loves. Parting Stone is another company that offers a beautiful way to memorialize your loved one by transforming their ashes into a collection of polished stones that can be held, shared, and cherished forever. The process uses scientific precision to solidify cremated remains into clean, ceramic-like stones that vary in size, shape, color, and texture — making each collection as unique as the individual it honors. Rather than an urn tucked away in a closet, families can carry the stones in their pocket, display them in a memorial garden, scatter them meaningfully, or divide them so that everyone who loved the person can keep a piece close — making Parting Stones a deeply personal and lasting way to stay connected to those we've lost. For those who feel a connection to nature, there are several meaningful earth-friendly options. Tree urns allow a loved one's ashes to nourish and give life to a tree, which provides a living, growing tribute that endures for generations. Another eco-conscious option is a coral reef memorial, where ashes are incorporated into a concrete reef structure that helps restore natural marine habitats. Scattering ashes in a meaningful location is another deeply personal choice. If your loved one had a passion for travel, you could take their ashes on a journey and scatter them in places that were meaningful to them — perhaps somewhere they always dreamed of visiting. Scattering at sea can also be a beautiful send-off, especially if they loved the beach or were a boating enthusiast. For the creatively inclined, ashes can be woven into works of art. You can commission an artist to create a painting using paint mixed with your loved one's ashes, with popular choices including a portrait of the deceased or a scene from their favorite landscape. Companies can also press ashes into a vinyl record , allowing you to preserve a loved one's favorite songs as a lasting musical tribute. As you can see, there are so many ways that we can honor our loved one’s ashes. If you have any questions, reach out to us!

Winter Proofing Your Independence

By Kim Shute • February 28, 2026

Asking for help with heavy snow today may be the very thing that keeps you independent longer tomorrow.

Kim Shute's Review of Eternity

By Kim Shute • February 24, 2026

A movie about figuring out who to spend eternity with.

Expanding End-of-Life Choices in Rhode Island: An Introduction to Water Cremation

By Pearl Marvell • February 4, 2026

As society evolves, so do the choices we make—especially when it comes to end-of-life care.

Kim Shute's Review of Song Sung Blue

By Kim Shute • February 4, 2026

This film is based on a true love story of Mike and Claire Sardina. The film follows them from the moment they meet through the many struggles life throws at them.

Kim Shute's Review of This Time Tomorrow

By Kim Shute • January 8, 2026

How many of us wish we could go back in time to soak up more of the people we loved? I for one have wished for this multiple times since the death of my husband. I want to see him again because his life story is all jumbled in my memory. When did he take care of the grounds of that golf course? When did he walk off that roofing job in his 20s because they did not respect him? And I want more details on when he failed out of engineering school only to go back later after our son was born. Since all those things pre-date my entrance into his life, I have no way of finding out. No one in his life would remember or care about what seem like mundane details. The book review we have for you today is about this very topic. This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub was written while the author’s father was in the hospital. He had suggested she write a book about a daughter visiting her father in the hospital and that is exactly what she did. I am not a fan of Sci-Fi, but I can tolerate a bit of fantasy. I like my fantasy to be anchored in realism, no blue skin or characters named Tragorin for me. Emma Straub writes a time travel novel without any of the Sci-Fi vibes. Based firmly in realism unless you do the math on how old their pet cat is in 1996 and then in 2020. You may have to suspend your disbelief on that detail. It begins with the main character, Alice, on the eve of her fortieth birthday. Her life seems to be fine, albeit a bit lackluster. Her father who is a single father and famous for writing a time travel novel, is in the hospital. The next morning, Alice wakes up as her 16-year-old self, but she still has all the knowledge of her 40-year-old brain. The book does not have a Groundhog Day like quality to it, but she is trying to change the end result. With her father in the hospital in 2020 she finds herself wanting to spend lots of time with her dad when she goes back in time. She gets to ask all those questions that she did not care about the first time, when she was only consumed with her teen self and friends. This is a love story of a different variety, between a daughter and her dad, between her and her friends, and with herself. This book made me just want to read or listen instead of doing my grown-up responsibilities. I hope you will give this book a try as it is both hopeful and wonderful.