My First Motherless Mothers’ Day
Kim Shute • May 6, 2025
I don’t know about you, but Mother’s Day was a big deal for my grandmother in the 1980 and 90s, so we did the whole thing, reservations at a fancy restaurant (one looked like an actual castle!), Sunday best outfits were worn, a corsage was purchased, and the entire day was set aside to pay homage to our matriarch.
As a kid I knew about and respected the tradition.
When my grandmother died, my mother liked to be recognized for the holiday but not in the same ways. I think she did not like the connotation of matriarch. In her mind that meant she was OLD, and that was to be avoided at all costs. In fact, she did not even want to be called grandma, she thought Empress Shute was a way better title. We would give a small gift, with a heartfelt card, and my husband, son, and I, would have brunch with her. During these meals, she was of course the focus of our attention.
At other times we would gather with our extended family and make it a bigger production. As she got older, and her hearing got worse, she was less interested in participating. Then she suffered a brain injury in 2019, and she was mostly disconnected or if she wasn't, it was quite superficial. All this is to give you the backstory as this Sunday will be my first Mothers’ Day without a living mother and I feel a bit like an orphaned child.
In my life I have limited exposure to advertising, and this is intentional on my part. I have very little to do with social media anymore which made my recent trip to Walgreen’s a bit more jarring. Upon entering I saw a giant 3-foot-wide helium balloon adorned with a scrolling font declaring Happy Mothers’ Day. I thought to myself “OK, that is coming up, weird, my mom is dead.” I walked a few more feet into the store and saw an end cap display of “flowers for mom.” Then I thought, “I wonder how I will feel on Mothers’ Day, this Sunday? “My errand required me to go deeper into their aisles. Then a carboard tower of cards for mothers expressing loving sentiments about their impact and significance upon the purchaser’s life. This was about a 7-minute experience, and I didn’t like it.
These were just so many obvious and in-your-face reminders. I know there were more lurking behind other corners within the store. This was only one store. What will it be like at grocery or department stores for those of us whose mothers have died?
Unfortunately, I can’t protect us by creating stores without those reminders. What I can do is say, “I am sorry your mom died and that the world dares to go on without her. I am also sorry that the world forgets our reality.”
I want to take care of those who grieve and acknowledge that it can be a lovely tradition for others to be able to honor their living mom, mum, mother, mama, ma, mommy, mummy, and whatever other names we call them.
I see you; all your experiences and feelings are valid. I hope you can do something this Mother’s Day that is right for you and the memories you have of your maternal figure whether she is still physically here on the planet or has taken her leave. We are thinking of you in life and living and death and dying.
As society evolves, so do the choices we make—especially when it comes to end-of-life care.
This film is based on a true love story of Mike and Claire Sardina. The film follows them from the moment they meet through the many struggles life throws at them.
How many of us wish we could go back in time to soak up more of the people we loved? I for one have wished for this multiple times since the death of my husband. I want to see him again because his life story is all jumbled in my memory. When did he take care of the grounds of that golf course? When did he walk off that roofing job in his 20s because they did not respect him? And I want more details on when he failed out of engineering school only to go back later after our son was born. Since all those things pre-date my entrance into his life, I have no way of finding out. No one in his life would remember or care about what seem like mundane details. The book review we have for you today is about this very topic. This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub was written while the author’s father was in the hospital. He had suggested she write a book about a daughter visiting her father in the hospital and that is exactly what she did. I am not a fan of Sci-Fi, but I can tolerate a bit of fantasy. I like my fantasy to be anchored in realism, no blue skin or characters named Tragorin for me. Emma Straub writes a time travel novel without any of the Sci-Fi vibes. Based firmly in realism unless you do the math on how old their pet cat is in 1996 and then in 2020. You may have to suspend your disbelief on that detail. It begins with the main character, Alice, on the eve of her fortieth birthday. Her life seems to be fine, albeit a bit lackluster. Her father who is a single father and famous for writing a time travel novel, is in the hospital. The next morning, Alice wakes up as her 16-year-old self, but she still has all the knowledge of her 40-year-old brain. The book does not have a Groundhog Day like quality to it, but she is trying to change the end result. With her father in the hospital in 2020 she finds herself wanting to spend lots of time with her dad when she goes back in time. She gets to ask all those questions that she did not care about the first time, when she was only consumed with her teen self and friends. This is a love story of a different variety, between a daughter and her dad, between her and her friends, and with herself. This book made me just want to read or listen instead of doing my grown-up responsibilities. I hope you will give this book a try as it is both hopeful and wonderful.
Have you ever seen a film that stays with you for days and changes the way you approach and look at your own life? You can see the trailer and the film is currently available on Apple TV. This film follows two exceptional poets, Andrea Gibson and Meg Falley on their remarkable journey through love and loss. The cinematography, the words, and the meaning added together provide the audience with a gift. I have not often been a fan of poetry, but Maya Angelou, Amanda Gorman, E.E.cummings, and now Andrea Gibson and Meg Falley have made me reconsider this position. Andrea Gibson was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in August of 2021, and this is their tale that begins with that news. The couple pull together and keep trying to stay alive through news both pleasant and unpleasant. Their love and dedication are breathtakingly showcased. This film is raw, authentic, uplifting, and deeply sad. It has won 5 awards so far including Festival Favorite at Sundance Film Festival in 2025. Gibson had rock star-like fame before their diagnosis as a spoken word poet. Their early career focused on social justice, gender norms, LGBTQ topics, and politics. After their diagnosis, the topics shifted to depression, mortality, life, illness, and love. This poet expresses feelings, sensations, and ideas that must be witnessed as they capture truths that touch all of our hearts at one time or another.
When was the last time you sat down with a loved one and asked them questions about their life? Not just the day-to-day conversational questions, but the ones about the big and small moments? For many of us, we probably haven’t had these conversations. Unfortunately, many of us put these conversations off, thinking that we …
If you have been discussing movies and documentaries with your family and friends, you might have come across the HBO series, The Mortician, a three-part documentary about a funeral business in Pasadena, California back in the 1980s. We figured it was important to talk about it since you might have some questions about the funeral industry after watching it! The series primarily focuses on David Sconce, a funeral director at the Lamb Funeral Home, a family-run business that was established in the 1920s. The show draws on both horror and intrigue from how a family-run institution loved by the community betrayed the trust of hundreds of families. The Mortician lays out how Sconce turned the funeral home into a money-making machine by systematically violating ethical and legal boundaries: mass cremations, body mutilations, stealing materials of value like dental gold, returning misidentified ashes, and engaging in intimidation and even alleged murder. The series is especially chilling because of its access to Sconce himself—this is the first televised interview since his more recent release from prison (there have been many prison stays). His justifications, denials, and evasions reveal an unrepentant mentality that challenges what viewers might expect from someone caught at the center of such horror. This well-researched series is a must-watch if you are into horror and have a strong stomach! What The Mortician does especially well is bring death care into the spotlight and what it means to care for loved ones who have passed. For us at Memorial Funeral Home, it certainly is a reminder that it is understandable that some people might have some distrust in funeral homes! What we can do is assure you that we are held to the highest standard of ethical integrity, both by ourselves, the state and federally. If you do decide to watch this series, know that none of this would ever happen at Memorial Funeral Home! And please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
Julia co-founded End of Life Rhode Island , an organization with a mission to educate the public about the role of the end-of-life doula.
Life is too short, and it is especially too short for bad books, have I said that before? In this section we try to help you find books, movies, shows, and podcasts worth your time. This month you will need a box of tissues to read Marianne Cronin’s debut novel from 2021, but not for every page. Don’t worry, there are plenty of laughs within her novel too. This is a story of intergenerational friendship as well as life, loss, and resilience. Lenni Pettersson, a Swedish born 17-year-old is in the terminal ward of the Glasgow Princess Royal Hospital in Scotland. She is a bit of rebel and bored with her time there, she is often looking for ways to fill her days where she never gets out of her pajamas. The ways she relieves herself of boredom include going to the hospital’s chapel to ask questions. Lenni’s knowledge base about Christianity is mixed up between fairy tales and the bible. She is polite, playful, and direct. The priest, Father Arthur, takes a shine to Lenni. One exciting addition to her days is the newly opened art therapy space lovingly called The Rose Room. It is there she meets Margot Macrae, an 83-year-old, who has a bit of spunk. Lenni realizes that between the two of them they have lived 100 years. They decide to make a painting (mostly by Margot, a gifted painter) and story (mostly by Lenni who has a way with words) for every year of each of their lives. In between we get to hear the flashbacks of their individual histories. It is heartwarming and at times, heart wrenching. This book is loaded with storytelling that illustrates love, confusion, life, sadness, joy, and of course death. We hope you will consider this month’s recommendation. Let us know if you like it.
Buckle up people this show is not for the faint of heart, as many TV shows challenge us these days, long gone are the days of Richie Cunningham and Happy Days. Once again, the content for this show is for mature audiences, I mean sex is in the title. Sex and death are not topics that typically go together, at least not out in public. This month we are covering a new show on Hulu and Disney + called Dying for Sex. The story is loosely based on a true story. Molly, the main character (played by Michelle Williams) is in her 30’s and has terminal metastatic breast cancer. It is not hard to imagine when given such a grave diagnosis that a person might look for ways to escape reality or make the best of the days one has left. Molly does that in an unexpected way; she sets her sights on-- you guessed it-- sex and she dabbles in Fifty Shades of Gray territory. Molly has had an unhappy marriage and one that is sexually unfulfilling. What would you do in her shoes? She decides to leave her husband because he is unable to fulfill her sexual desires. He feels sad when he sees her breasts, as all he can see is her diagnosis and grim prognosis. We then watch Molly try to figure out how to meet her needs both alone and with others throughout the comedy drama miniseries. Molly’s relationship with her best friend, Nikki (played by Jenny Slate) is rich with humanity and humor. So much humor! The chemistry between these two actors is a treat to witness. They show us the messy side of being human and the beauty of how we come together to support one another in times of dire need. I find myself thinking about the subject matter of this show weeks after I have watched an episode. This story gives viewers the opportunity to walk in someone else’s shoes, no matter how uncomfortable. I wonder how people with a terminal cancer diagnosis or someone close to them experience this show? Is it a relief to see part of your journey on a TV show millions of others are watching or is it too soon? If you have thoughts about this, please send us an email at kim@memorialfuneralhome.com.
We are proud to introduce one of the newest members of our Memorial team, funeral apprentice Norma Figueroa! Norma brings with her not only over 17 years of experience in the medical field but also a warm spirit, a deep sense of compassion, and a genuine desire to serve families during some of life’s most tender moments. Norma is originally from Ponce, Puerto Rico and raised in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Today, she lives in Central Falls. Her interest in the human body started early—when she was in high school and tasked with dissecting a cat during an anatomy class. That moment sparked a lifelong curiosity about anatomy and eventually led her to nursing school. She went on to work as a certified nursing assistant, central supply director, scheduler, receptionist, and lead CNA trainer. Reflecting on her years in health care, Norma says she has always been fascinated by “the amazing things a human body can do.” Her medical background, combined with training and certification in thanatology, gerontology, and funeral service preparation, makes her uniquely prepared for the next chapter of her career in funeral service. Though her background isn’t in funeral homes, Norma has found the transition both meaningful and inspiring. “I’m learning a lot,” she says. “Everyone here is eager to help me learn the ropes.” She has been shadowing at services and learning the administrative ropes that entail with this industry. Norma also knows firsthand how important it is to be sensitive to different family dynamics, a skill she developed through years of patient care. As a bilingual speaker of English and Spanish, she is especially passionate about helping families feel heard, understood, and comforted. “Being Hispanic, we turn everything into a party,” she jokes, “but I know that is not the case for everyone.” She brings that cultural awareness and perspective into her work, meeting families where they are and supporting them in ways that feel authentic to their traditions. Of course, not everyone understands her career choice. “Some of my friends have been weirded out about me working with the dead,” she admits. “And I’m like, ‘Well, you’re gonna need me someday!’” Norma is a proud mom of two college-aged children and she enjoys traveling, going to concerts, spending time outdoors with her kids, and doting on the family cat, Midnight. She also likes to eat tasty food and dance! We are thrilled to have Norma on our team. With her dedication, warmth, and professional experience, she embodies the heart of our mission: to provide care, comfort, and guidance when families need it most.
